


Sam's Soul

by nelliespector (ilmv)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel, M/M, Sam Has A Soul, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2015-11-16
Packaged: 2018-05-01 22:00:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5222489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilmv/pseuds/nelliespector
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How Cas feels about Sam's soul</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sam's Soul

Cas never gave much thought to the concept of gender, least of all where it concerned himself. In heaven it was altogether unimportant. He understood that on some level, the being known as Castiel was considered male. But what does gender mean for incorporeal beings? He found his feelings of attraction or arousal were influenced by the vessel but not completely so. His vessel was interested in women, thus so was he. But these were human feelings that stirred in him when his grace was low or absent. There was another part of him, the angel part, that disregarded biological sex and gender. He saw through the flesh and saw only the essence. When his grace was at its strongest, before he even noticed the physical self, he saw souls.

He saw the beauty of Sam’s soul, serrated as it was with scars, it shone with a blinding light. As beautiful as they were in their true forms, angels were soulless beings, and Cas envied the beauty of Sam’s soul. He loved the way Sam’s soul reached out to him, yearning for connection. If Cas had a soul, he knew it would yearn right back towards Sam, the way his grace and his wings often did. Cas loved Sam, but above all he loved Sam’s radiant soul. His soul had been through things no other human soul had ever been through, making it unique in the universe. Even with all the scars clawed through it and the damage of being pieced back together, Sam’s soul was the brightest point in all creation, and he didn’t even know it. He would never know how beautiful he truly was.

Sam had used words like “broken” and “unclean” to describe himself, and it killed Cas to hear it. It killed him to remember how he had called Sam an “abomination.” It hurt him to see this man take so much pain upon himself and blame himself for his scars. Cas wished he could take those scars away, take the weight of the world off Sam’s shoulders and heal Sam’s soul completely to the pure, whole light it once had been. But not even an angel could swallow that much pain. Even though he rarely voices these concerns anymore, Cas can read that Sam is always worried about not being good enough for Cas. Deep down he still thinks of himself as being tainted. But Cas doesn’t see that, not anymore. Cas doesn’t see the boy with demon blood, he sees the man with a pure heart. He sees Sam’s radiant soul.


End file.
